My dark side got the best of me again this week. I call it that because I have no idea what it is that causes me to feel so insecure. If my day starts and I’m already sad with no known reason, it’s a fight to get out of that funk all day long. During the time of all this chaos in my head, it’s a reaction for me to add more negative overthinking thoughts, regularly arguing with myself. I create outrageous scenarios in my head and believe them to be true to the core. Even if I know it to be untrue, not even I can change my mind. I’ve worked so hard to change this pattern in me, but this week it has won. It’s too powerful it leaves me feeling so helpless against my head, my hell, it’s hard to tell anymore, I’ve lost track. Its a mess up there. I’m sorry. Incredibly sorry for not only those who have to deal with me like this, but I’m sorry for me as well. I know this isn’t good for me mentally. I know it’s scarring. Why can’t I snap out of it? Why can’t I keep focused? I know who I want to be. Some days it’s just not enough, and I don’t know why.
The urge to write grows stronger with each day that goes by. I want to write desperately, need to release. Confused by all the topics to write about, each left without a beginning. Starting is the hardest part for me. No more. I wished. Part of the process of being a writer means embracing your disasters. Right? By disasters, I mean the stories with no meaning. Missed punctuation or failed spelling unseen in the final edit, Regardless still a mess. Who gives a F***! Just write. Get it out. You’ll feel better. You will be better!
Moving up in life is a terrifying thing most humans have to go through, even though for some people “adulting,” can tend to be more of a challenge, and stressful to overcome. What does being an adult mean? Does it mean maturity? What about the endless choices you’ll have to make along the way as we continue to grow in life? Was it the right choice? What if you had taken the other route? Would my life had turned out differently if I chose the opposite of what my heart desired.? When we compare life to a rollercoaster, it’s common for your thoughts to go from negative to positive in almost an instant. For some people, it is a thrilling sensation in your stomach when the rollercoaster drops and the adrenaline kicks in, but as for others, they wouldn’t agree. It’s not unlikely that some people despise rollercoasters. It’s probably safe to say that those people don’t like change as well. New can be very scary for some people, an even too crippling to accept an move forward with; For me, I’ve learned that embracing the change helps to build character, moving on with my life leading up to now I have made countless decisions; both rewarding and defeating. None the less, those choices and changes I’ve come to accept have shaped me into the person I am today, an for that, I am immensely grateful for the ups and downs life has to offer. At the age of 22, I see an enormous difference in my way of thinking about the future compared to other peers my age. Still, being responsible and having the willingness to mature. (Some perks people don’t get until much, MUCH later in life, unfortunately.) Are crucial in surviving adulthood. Ultimately, if you’d like my advice, I would tell you to go for it! If you believe in yourself enough, you can dominate any challenge/rollercoaster life decides to throw at you. By occasion, if you happen to be unhappy with anything in your life, take it as a lesson learned and grow from your mistakes. Don’t be afraid of them. Learn from them.
Many things weighing heavily on my mind overthinking truly is a curse, negative thoughts flood in the angels fighting desperately to stop the leaks. Positive thoughts drowned just as quickly as they arose, Falling deeper into the overflowing pool that is my mind. Deeper and deeper now, no angels in sight. No one can save you from yourself. No one can save you.
To dream is to sleep, right? When you sleep, you are sometimes able to perceive your subconscious. Making a very vivid, detailed, a self-involving movie we call a dream. But what if the dreams we have at night while we sleep(the ones we remember at least) are goals we wish to achieve in the present and future? Is it possible that dreams could very well be our brain trying to remind us about our realistic goals and who we truly are internal?
Dreams = Goals
When you get into detail about what “dream” really means, it’s not uncommon that it could also mean your personal goals. In elementary school, the teachers would always use encouraging quotes such as, “Dream Big!” or, “Follow your Dreams!” Maybe it’s just me, but I was today years old when I realized that might be more accurate than we all originally thought it to be. We all have a dream we visualize in our heads of how we wished our life would turn out for the future but we think of them as just that, simply a dream; Too far out of reach to make a reality. Imagine though, if you made slow changes in your easily achievable goals toward the direction of your BIG dream… how much happier people would be in their career choices and lifestyles? Easier said than done but looking at my goals from a DREAM angle helps get me more motivated and inspired to be and do better.