Let’s get 🎶PERSONAL🎶

Let’s get 🎶PERSONAL🎶

Hey!

Happy Tuesday.

I wanted to share some personal news with you guys if y’all are interested.

I’m back to work for at least the next two months, but of course, we get to go home for holidays. (minus Halloween)

They have us in Colorado, which I’m very excited about- If you know me, you know I vibe with the mountains, and I’ll always be a sucker for the cold. I love it❤️

I’ve talked a little about my job before, but I travel often. We go around to different hardware stores and rearrange the layout of the aisles and merchandise. It’s a lot of work, and most projects last a good 2-3 months per store. It’s a pretty tough job, we work the graveyard shift with maybe two days off if you’re lucky, but I’ve been doing this for four years now, going on 5.

I love my job! I do, it pays well, and I get to see the world with my hubby.🥰

BUT…

Working month after month turns into years, and just like that, in a blink of an eye, you’ve worked for three years straight with no time home besides Thanksgiving and Christmas.

It took a toll on my body and my mental, I desperately needed a break, so hubby and I took the month of September off, and I feel good and ready to come back with a fresh and determined mindset.

I am determined because I don’t want to disappear on you guys again like I always seem to do when I’m on the road working. I want to keep up with my blog posts, and keep interacting with the readers’ section. You guys are so talented 🥲

I WILL still be here!

The new plan is to work for a few months steady and have a month off.
That seemed to really help me keep a balance between my job and my mind.

I hope you guys have a great day!
Thank you for reading this nonsense, and THANK YOU for the support.
All your likes, follows, comments, DONATIONS!! (I can’t believe it, still)
I appreciate it very much ❤️

Have a blessed week!
I WILL SEE YOU SOON!

xoxo
-Brittany❤️🌻

Just Write

Just Write

I have this constant hunger inside. The urge to write it always there. For reasons unknown, I ignore my gut. Could it be the doubt inside telling me my art isn’t good enough?

There are so many things to write about. Endless topics that still need to be researched and shared with the world!

Yet, there I am, constantly at war with my intrusive thoughts. They tell me, “it won’t be any good so why even waste your time?”

Like a fool, I listen.

I glance at my notebook, my laptop, I could write something breathtaking but I don’t.

Just write!

It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t ever read it.

Just write for YOU Brittany!

Nobody in this entire world, even the ones closest to you, will EVER look at you with shame because I aspire to be a writer.

Just write Brittany.

Get it all out!

You know it’ll make you feel better. Overcome your fear!

JUST WRITE!

( A letter to myself)

Xoxo

Brittany

Trapped Inside

Trapped Inside

I feel like a cry

I need a good scream.

The kind you’d hike up a mountain for,

Be careful not to slip.

I crave a release

An escape from the devil inside.

If you dive deep enough, do you think we can drain him out?

The river flows,

Poisoned.. contaminated.

“If you were gone imagine how much better you’d feel”

The water runs black, no end insight.

I can’t ever remember a time when the river ran clear.

Filthy with toxins, hate, and insecurities.

I went for a swim and never made it out.

Drowning.

Suffocating.

Trapped.

Nobody to blame for my own insanity but me.

Locked inside my very own hell.

My head.

How do I get out?

How can I make it stop?

The current is so strong,

I know.. it’s wrong but the river, it’s just to strong!

I’m trapped inside.

The real me.

The one with hopes, and dreams.

She’s drowning.

Trapped by the blackened river.

Nobody can help her,

Only I can help myself.

The journey to the end begins.

Stop being trapped inside!

Old Memories

Old Memories

My fondest memory was back when I was a little girl over the moon, excited to be going on a road trip with my parents. We were on the way to my mom’s long lost best friend’s wedding in Giddings, Texas, Just about 8 hours away from Amarillo, my home town. A short drive for most, but as for me, this was my first ever road trip, we stopped more times than expected just for the sightseeing. To a little girl, it was excruciatingly long, but I loved every minute of it.

I can vividly remember watching all the beautiful trees and all kinds of different cars racing by, me sitting in the back seat of my mom’s little car, my dad in the driver’s seat mom in the passenger. I remember seeing a young lady, maybe in her mid-20s, driving along beside us. As she passed, I must have drifted off into a daydream when all I remember is me wishing I could be her or anything like her when I grow up. A beautiful young lady traveling in her very own vehicle to only she knew where she’d end up. Independent, Happy, and free. I pondered what her line of work could be for her to be able to afford to travel on her own. My parents worked so hard all the time but still had so little. They used to tell me all the time, “traveling is a luxury that we can never afford.” As a little girl thinking, “if my parents can’t afford it, how will I ever be able to?”

All I wanted was to travel to see the world. I didn’t get out much in general, but I always knew the answer would be a no before I was even able to finish the sentence. Seeing that young lady sparked something in me that I never realized until I got older. My goal has always been to travel, and to see the world, it wasn’t just a daydream, it was real. I didn’t know it then, but that memory has been the fuel to my fire. The thing I held onto as I grew up to be the exact beautiful, young, hardworking woman I am today, the woman, younger me wanted to be.

Little ole me

Today I have a great job to be blessed with that allows me to travel and make my dreams come true, and I never even realized it. I am so grateful for the opportunities, and beyond blessed to be living the life I have.
This memory means so much to me because when I reflect on how I used to feel about my future as a little girl, I never had any support. When I got up the nerve to share my inspirations with my parents, I’d get hit with why it logically wouldn’t be possible for me, and money was always the roadblock. Yet, despite all the negative, I grew up around, I still managed to reach my dream without having to worry about money as my parents did, and I am grateful for that.

I am one lucky bad ass young lady!


The women I always knew I could be.

Daydream

Daydream

I sit and ponder.

My mind slips while I sip.

I dream I’m somebody.

My words have meaning in this daydream.

People see my work and feel connected to it.

I see myself in a pattern.

A routine

The kind only ones with a plan get.

Months pass now I’m still successful.

Still in a routine, just as happy as can be.

But what does this mean?

I must need a routine.

Consistency is key to a content me.

I can be happy, i seen it.

My dream will be my reality.

Bad habits equal fatality.

Determination and motivation

I know who I want to be

I just have to believe in me.

It’s Come Back for Me

It’s Come Back for Me

My dark side got the best of me again this week. I call it that because I have no idea what it is that causes me to feel so insecure. If my day starts and I’m already sad with no known reason, it’s a fight to get out of that funk all day long. During the time of all this chaos in my head, it’s a reaction for me to add more negative overthinking thoughts, regularly arguing with myself. I create outrageous scenarios in my head and believe them to be true to the core. Even if I know it to be untrue, not even I can change my mind. I’ve worked so hard to change this pattern in me, but this week it has won. It’s too powerful it leaves me feeling so helpless against my head, my hell, it’s hard to tell anymore, I’ve lost track. Its a mess up there. I’m sorry. Incredibly sorry for not only those who have to deal with me like this, but I’m sorry for me as well. I know this isn’t good for me mentally. I know it’s scarring. Why can’t I snap out of it? Why can’t I keep focused? I know who I want to be. Some days it’s just not enough, and I don’t know why.

Awkward is the vibe

Awkward is the vibe

Why is it awkward for me to write in front of people?
Why do I criticize myself and my writing before I even give myself the chance?
Am I the only person that is so eager to write their thoughts down, but talk myself out of doing it. I am aware I can be dramatic at times. Yet my emotions and feelings are still valid.
Desperately needing to release I turn to write; I write then erase, again and again until I’m stuck staring at a blank page with nothing to say
Is this normal in people? Of course, it is I can’t be alone in feeling your creative writing is awful. But for me, it’s the feeling I get for thinking about writing…
I feel so awkward when I have the desire to write. Feeling out of place and embarrassed obsessing about what people will think about me based on what I post. I love to write an to make blog posts and interact with fellow bloggers still, I continue to feel the need to enjoy my hobby in private, and far too uncomfortable to write in front of the ones closest to me.
Is that normal?
Why do I let myself get uninspired?
Why is my anxiety so terrible to me?

Blocked

Blocked

It’s been a while.. To long for my liking.

Bad days often; Good ones are rare.

Insecure, bitter and unfair.

Most popular motions in my ocean.

To uncomfortable to write, despite the future in sight.

Rather just hold it in real tight.

Thoughts flood.

Emotions spread.

I’d honestly rather be stuck in my head.

Constant what ifs, assuming that.

I couldn’t think of times Im relaxed.