Old Memories

Old Memories

My fondest memory was back when I was a little girl over the moon, excited to be going on a road trip with my parents. We were on the way to my mom’s long lost best friend’s wedding in Giddings, Texas, Just about 8 hours away from Amarillo, my home town. A short drive for most, but as for me, this was my first ever road trip, we stopped more times than expected just for the sightseeing. To a little girl, it was excruciatingly long, but I loved every minute of it.

I can vividly remember watching all the beautiful trees and all kinds of different cars racing by, me sitting in the back seat of my mom’s little car, my dad in the driver’s seat mom in the passenger. I remember seeing a young lady, maybe in her mid-20s, driving along beside us. As she passed, I must have drifted off into a daydream when all I remember is me wishing I could be her or anything like her when I grow up. A beautiful young lady traveling in her very own vehicle to only she knew where she’d end up. Independent, Happy, and free. I pondered what her line of work could be for her to be able to afford to travel on her own. My parents worked so hard all the time but still had so little. They used to tell me all the time, “traveling is a luxury that we can never afford.” As a little girl thinking, “if my parents can’t afford it, how will I ever be able to?”

All I wanted was to travel to see the world. I didn’t get out much in general, but I always knew the answer would be a no before I was even able to finish the sentence. Seeing that young lady sparked something in me that I never realized until I got older. My goal has always been to travel, and to see the world, it wasn’t just a daydream, it was real. I didn’t know it then, but that memory has been the fuel to my fire. The thing I held onto as I grew up to be the exact beautiful, young, hardworking woman I am today, the woman, younger me wanted to be.

Little ole me

Today I have a great job to be blessed with that allows me to travel and make my dreams come true, and I never even realized it. I am so grateful for the opportunities, and beyond blessed to be living the life I have.
This memory means so much to me because when I reflect on how I used to feel about my future as a little girl, I never had any support. When I got up the nerve to share my inspirations with my parents, I’d get hit with why it logically wouldn’t be possible for me, and money was always the roadblock. Yet, despite all the negative, I grew up around, I still managed to reach my dream without having to worry about money as my parents did, and I am grateful for that.

I am one lucky bad ass young lady!


The women I always knew I could be.

It’s Come Back for Me

It’s Come Back for Me

My dark side got the best of me again this week. I call it that because I have no idea what it is that causes me to feel so insecure. If my day starts and I’m already sad with no known reason, it’s a fight to get out of that funk all day long. During the time of all this chaos in my head, it’s a reaction for me to add more negative overthinking thoughts, regularly arguing with myself. I create outrageous scenarios in my head and believe them to be true to the core. Even if I know it to be untrue, not even I can change my mind. I’ve worked so hard to change this pattern in me, but this week it has won. It’s too powerful it leaves me feeling so helpless against my head, my hell, it’s hard to tell anymore, I’ve lost track. Its a mess up there. I’m sorry. Incredibly sorry for not only those who have to deal with me like this, but I’m sorry for me as well. I know this isn’t good for me mentally. I know it’s scarring. Why can’t I snap out of it? Why can’t I keep focused? I know who I want to be. Some days it’s just not enough, and I don’t know why.

Awkward is the vibe

Awkward is the vibe

Why is it awkward for me to write in front of people?
Why do I criticize myself and my writing before I even give myself the chance?
Am I the only person that is so eager to write their thoughts down, but talk myself out of doing it. I am aware I can be dramatic at times. Yet my emotions and feelings are still valid.
Desperately needing to release I turn to write; I write then erase, again and again until I’m stuck staring at a blank page with nothing to say
Is this normal in people? Of course, it is I can’t be alone in feeling your creative writing is awful. But for me, it’s the feeling I get for thinking about writing…
I feel so awkward when I have the desire to write. Feeling out of place and embarrassed obsessing about what people will think about me based on what I post. I love to write an to make blog posts and interact with fellow bloggers still, I continue to feel the need to enjoy my hobby in private, and far too uncomfortable to write in front of the ones closest to me.
Is that normal?
Why do I let myself get uninspired?
Why is my anxiety so terrible to me?

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year!!

As cliché as it is

I hope that this new year brings you so much joy

Happiness, positivity and overall just a good outcome of the year in general.

I hope that this year is the year that really brings out that you you’ve always wanted

Because you deserve it.

You deserve to be happy

To be ecstatic with life.

To be filled with nothing but happiness, love and peace.

This is your time to shine!

This year is about improving YOU!

Enjoy the skin you’re in because YOU ARE AWESOME

Enjoy the skin you’re in because YOU ARE AWESOME

You are one of a kind! Special in your own light.

Everyone shines just as bright. Each different never alike.

If he or anyone can’t see

Truly how extraordinary you can be

Set them free

Live life carefree

Happy as can be, peacefully

Confident and content

With the flesh the heavens sent

For you and me alone

Our body is our home.

Child Accused for witchcraft and KILLED! A story back in the late 1600s

I’ve been reading this book by Paula Hawkins-Into The Water, and in the book, they talk about a specific lake near a small town in the book they call the “drowning pool,” It all started with a young girl and her grandmother in late 1600, accused of using witchcraft because they used herbs and plants as a form of medicine,
Let me share with you a story about Libby Seeton.

Libby 1679

Yesterday they said tomorrow, so that’s today now. She knows it won’t be long. They’ll come to take her to the water, to swim her. She wants it to come, wills it to come, it cant come soon enough. She’s tired of feeling so dirty, of the itch on her skin. Knows it won’t really help with the sores, putrid now and smelling bad. She needs elderberry, or marigold maybe, she’s not sure what would be best, or wether it’s too late to do anything at all. Aunt May would know, but she’s gone now, swung from a gibbet these eight months past.

Libby likes the water, loves the river though she’s afraid of the deep. It’ll be cold enough to freeze her now, but at least it’ll take the insects from her skin. They shaved her when they first arrested her, but the hair’s grown back a bit now, and there are things crawling everywhere, burrowing into her, she feels them in her ears, at the corners of her eyes and in between her legs. She scratches until she bleeds. It’ll be good to have all that washed away, the smell of the blood, of herself.

They come in the morning. Two men, young, rough-handed, rough-mouthed, she’s felt their fists before. No more though, they’re careful about that, because they heard what the man said, the one who saw her in the forest, her legs spread and the Devil between them. They laugh and slap, but they’re afraid of her, too, and in any case, she’s not much to look at these days.

She wonders, will he be there ti watch her, and what will he think? He thought her beautiful once, but now her teeth are rotting, and her skin is mottles blue and purple as though she were half dead already. They take her to the Beckford, where the river turns sharp around the cliff and then runs slow and deep. This is where she’ll swim.

It is autumn, a cold wind blowing, but the sun is bright and so she feels ashamed, stripped there in the bright light before all the men and women of the village. She thinks she can hear them gasp, in horror or surprise, at what’s become of lovely Libby Seeton.

She’s bound with ropes thick and rough enough to bring bright, fresh blood to her wrists. Just her arms. Legs left free. Then they tie a rope around her waist, so that should she sink, they can bring her back again.

When they take her to the river’s edge, she turns and looks for him. The children scream then, thinking she’s turning the curse on them, and the men push her into the water. The cold takes all of her breath. One of the men has a pole and he shoves it at her back, pressing her on and on and on until she cannot stand. She slips down into the water.

She sinks.

The cold is so shocking that she forgets where she is. She opens her mouth to gasp and sucks in black water, she starts to choke, she struggles, she kicks with her legs, but she’s disoriented, no longer feels the riverbed beneath her feet. The rope pulls hard at her, biting into her waist, ripping her skin. When they drag her into the bank, she is crying.

“Again!”

Someone is calling for a second ordeal.

“She sank!” a women’s voice cries. “She’s no witch, she’s just a child.”

“Again! Again!”

The men bind her again for the second ordeal. Different this time: left thumb to right toe, right thumb to left. The rope around her waist. This time they carry her into the water.

“Please,” she starts to beg, because she’s not sure that she can face it again, the blackness and the cold. She wants to go back to a home that no longer exists, to a time when she and her aunt sat in front of the fire and told stories to each other. She wants to be in her bed in their cottage, she wants to be little again, to breathe in woodsmoke and rose and the sweet warmth of her aunt’s skin.

“Please.”

She sinks. By the time they drag her out the second time, her lips are the blue of a bruise, and her breath is gone for good.

Into The Water by Paula Hawkins

This was just a little piece of the book I wanted to share with you guys that I thought was fascinating the way she wrote her story so vividly. Love love loved this I hope you guys have an awesome day!!

xoxo -Brittany ❤

Cold Fall Afternoon

Cold Fall Afternoon

Today the air is cold but its the kind of cold you dream of after a long hot summer. The relief of changing your wardrobe from shorts and tank tops to scarfs and long sleeves. Fall is my favorite time of year, mostly because of my birthday and the holidays but every year around this time I reflect on memories as a little girl; Every day after school I’d go out to the front yard of my parent’s house and play all by myself, id pretend I had powers and the “wind” blowing the loose leaves and branches around was indeed me, probably looking mental to the cars passing by filled with people confused at the sight they just saw; Decades later I lie here in awe of where that little girl has gone, so carefree she used to be.

Lost

Lost

constantly exhausted, feeling drained
Despite hours slept. It’ll never appear like you’ve had enough.
Is this depression?
Or am I mixed with day and night?
Lately, I’m not feeling myself a little lost inside.
Desperate to find my way back.
Overcome by where to start
Days go by I feel a slightly better
But does the bleeding eternally truly end?
Souls say “Time heals all wounds,”
I can’t say I agree with that.
Time goes by it’s more natural to cope
It will nevermore go away.
Years adding up nevertheless to forget
Learn to let go, help yourself grow.

Rollercoaster of Adulthood

Rollercoaster of Adulthood

Moving up in life is a terrifying thing most humans have to go through, even though for some people “adulting,” can tend to be more of a challenge, and stressful to overcome. What does being an adult mean? Does it mean maturity? What about the endless choices you’ll have to make along the way as we continue to grow in life? Was it the right choice? What if you had taken the other route? Would my life had turned out differently if I chose the opposite of what my heart desired.?
When we compare life to a rollercoaster, it’s common for your thoughts to go from negative to positive in almost an instant. For some people, it is a thrilling sensation in your stomach when the rollercoaster drops and the adrenaline kicks in, but as for others, they wouldn’t agree. It’s not unlikely that some people despise rollercoasters. It’s probably safe to say that those people don’t like change as well. New can be very scary for some people, an even too crippling to accept an move forward with; For me, I’ve learned that embracing the change helps to build character, moving on with my life leading up to now I have made countless decisions; both rewarding and defeating. None the less, those choices and changes I’ve come to accept have shaped me into the person I am today, an for that, I am immensely grateful for the ups and downs life has to offer. At the age of 22, I see an enormous difference in my way of thinking about the future compared to other peers my age. Still, being responsible and having the willingness to mature. (Some perks people don’t get until much, MUCH later in life, unfortunately.) Are crucial in surviving adulthood. Ultimately, if you’d like my advice, I would tell you to go for it! If you believe in yourself enough, you can dominate any challenge/rollercoaster life decides to throw at you. By occasion, if you happen to be unhappy with anything in your life, take it as a lesson learned and grow from your mistakes. Don’t be afraid of them. Learn from them.

My Positive Angels

My Positive Angels

Many things weighing heavily on my mind
overthinking truly is a curse,
negative thoughts flood in
the angels fighting desperately to stop the leaks.
Positive thoughts drowned just as quickly as they arose,
Falling deeper into the overflowing pool that is my mind.
Deeper and deeper now, no angels in sight.
No one can save you from yourself.
No one can save you.